Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
