I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
