you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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