youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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