I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
