you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
