dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
