i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
