man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
