Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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