if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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