What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
