so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
