Yo dont text me then not text me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
