Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
