8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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