i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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