Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
