Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
