Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
