porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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