You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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