Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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