Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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