I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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