You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
