How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
