Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
