..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
