I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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