This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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