he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
