he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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