He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think my fart just growled at me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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