she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
