You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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