Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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