Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
