So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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