just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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