Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just pee around me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
