wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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