I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
