and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
