Non-Jews are for practice
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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