Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
