BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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