are you so shy because you have an std?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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