i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
