ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
