I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
