I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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