Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
