Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
