your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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