My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
