I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
