Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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