My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
