We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
