y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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