the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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