The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
