if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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