Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
