you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
