Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
