I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
