I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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